Archive for the ‘London to Cologne’ Category


Paul picked me up from my house having run late because of the unreliability of the crazy girl from Bristol, who upon gratuitously accepted a lift from him then sent reams of messages on the morning of her pickup giving reasons as to why she could no longer come.

The image that at the least comes to my mind when I think of the girl from Bristol. We shall call her Spaz girl. Hello spaz girl. What's spazzin'?

I know.

Bitch. lol.

So Paul, in car with his surfboard in toe (this one’s plastic 😛 we’ll come to the wooden shizz later) set off to Mill Hill having got me at my mum’s. We were on a mission, between us, with one crummy map, to locate a special stud rabbit that was being sent across international borders to go forth and fuck! LOL. I guess the more appropriate word would be procreate, or breed. But we are all god’s children and I quite enjoy using potty language sometimes 🙂

Hi I'm stud. I'm currently away busy being studly. Please come back to me when your legs are open. SIncerely yours.........stud.

This part was actually surprisingly unspectacular, the rabbit did not try humping his box or us or anything.

Off we went, rocking up in Dover about 3 hours after our ticket was booked for (16 hours! German Paul is I should mention). During this time he had told me off his past time building wooden surfboards in 3 days that you could then use to surf. No woodworking skills were required, and it is an idea he has taken from a guy he met doing it in France, and apparently this niche business is becoming very popular in the States! He had flyers organised for it, a journalist coming to talk to him about it and was doing a demonstration at an upcoming festival in Wales – all good progress! I am impressed. I was impressed.

Nothing funny springs to mind. This is a good picture. So......fuck off.

Anyhoo, Paul hit upon the idea of asking drivers onboard the Dover – Dunkirque ferry if they would give me a ride. First we’d look at the plates to see what country they were from and then go from there. Of course I didn’t count upon my browness, beard and general uncouth look making me appear like a terrorist cum ridesharing rapist that was hellbent on savaging my fellow journeyman. Or more simply put, my series of rejections from the cars I wandered around asking may have come as a result of them thinking I looked like a weirdo.

Hmm, maybe this is what I communicate when I approach strangers. It's a kind of run for you lives thing isn't it? I think I saw this guy in Royston Vasey arguing with a butcher about dumplings.



Saying that however, I did get offered rides to Belgium, Italy and Germany again. There was one family that was going to Lithuania which is the country adjacent/south of Latvia. I was hoping he’d say yes, but with this kids in the car he didn’t want to take the risk. What a homo.








So, before we had exhausted all of our options we jumped onto the net in the McDonalds via Paul’s netbook to have a look on Rideshare! And lo and behold I came across Pavel, the half Ukranian/Russian that was going from Berlin ALL THE WAY to Tallinn. 1000km+ and charging only 50 euros. Not a bad gig at all. However, it was somewhat off putting as it felt like I was being interviewed on the phone.

I guess when you’re going to be in car for that long with one person you want to make sure they are of sound mind – not a bell end basically. And given my whole reason for travelling – for a damn bachelor party, it probably isn’t that far from the truth.

The wedding at which I was filming and fell asleep with the camcorder in my hand while listening to the best man's speech. Always handy when you are the assigned camera man for the evening. Ah. Good times.



Anyway, with a destination slightly closer in mind now, off I went into the darkness from Dunkirque. The bearded German surfer from the end of the road in Wales – Pembrokeshire – with the tramping British Indian in search of frolics across Europe and a stud, bunny fucking rabbit resting before his own quest. To breed.

So I made like sloth. And slept while Paul drove. Lol






I can be like this @ times. Generally when I get excited. Which is generally all the time.





Make a decision

Posted: July 25, 2011 in London to Cologne

My sister’s fiance Gary has had his stag/bachelor party planned for the weekend of the 22nd July for sometime now.

This is my sister's fiance on one of his better days! Clearly you can see she has done very well for herself ha ha. The Stag!

Being the “numpty” I am (have always wished to use that word 🙂 I failed to check Tallinn’s (the proposed city of bachelor badness) distance from London….some 1,200 miles. Hence mr poor boy aka me not being able to afford a plane flight. Ajay my tawny cousin dropped out at that stage having seen quotes for £200+ one way from various airlines.

Try and charge me £200+ bloody pounds to get to Tallinn! Who the hell do you think you are? Although saying that, I did fly with you guys back...I got more leg room this time round as well - I could just about curl my toes in horror at my seat 🙂

In my spontaneity and impudence I decided it would make much more sense financially if I hitchhiked. Which of course it doesn’t really – it’s a fairly nominal saving relative to the time spent in transit and of course if you convert your hourly time to a £ value then it’s a loss. Especially since I can’t work whilst abroad!

Sunday, the week before the trip I decided that I would then hitchike. It was an idea I hit upon precisely one day before, and I think it’s become more about my rash take the life by the horns as well as the testicles and more approach. – was my eventual port of call. It was a handy sight that allows you to locate people travelling across countries and offering rides. I managed to find my trusty driver Paul Rosenberg of Cologne (but currently Pembrokeshire – in the absolute middle of shitting nowhere in Wales lol). Having researched online for a matter of hours, and called about 5 different potential drivers. it turned out I would be heading to Cologne the next morning.

Having been a supreme tit as you can probably tell from my pictures I failed to take a camera out with me taking the advice of my sister. That proved to be a great idea since I'm now wondering around Google finding pictures instead. This is Paul. He had a cool beard when I met him. Check out his shizz @ Dude builds wooden surfboards!

Packing a torch, brolly, and my guts and nerves into one bag, off I trundled into bed realising I was about to set off on a entirely different type of adventure to that which I’ve been used to…

And I still needed to shave.

The beard you can see in the specimen we collected from a then unwanted camera is what we at Deepak's blog would like to consider a lady repellent. Guaranteed to repel any female with a pulse. Some men too.